Life After Love

From "it's over" to "I'm over it"

In the first agonizing throes of the break up, you are firmly convinced you'll never love again. You're not even sure that life is worth living. You will never forget them; no one could ever compare; you'll love them for all time.

Not so much.

Though it's hard to believe at the time, pain doesn't last forever. A good analogy is childbirth: when you're having a baby, you're in a great deal of pain, and your emotions are all over the place. You literally feel like you're going crazy and that the pain will never end. But at the end of it all, you're holding your beautiful newborn child in your arms; and I promise, you look back at the labor (or surgery, for C-section mommies like me) and IT IS NOTHING. You'd do it again in a heartbeat: the trade-off is MORE than worth it.

So it is for a break up. You can't eat, you can't sleep, you're going nuts - but one day, when you're walking down the alter with the real man of your dreams, you'll look back at this break up with grateful relief: THANK GOD that jerk broke up with me, or I never would have found my wonderful new husband!!

With that in mind, how do you know when you're getting over your ex? Here are some telltale signs that you're on your way to recovery:

You're thinking about dating again - but not as revenge. You begin entertaining the idea of getting back out there, not for a rebound fling, but because you've accepted that your ex isn't "the one" and you're ready to find "the one".

The ex isn't always on your mind. When you find a whole day going by without thinking of your ex, pat yourself on the back: you're getting over it.

You don't want him back. You've stopped dreaming up ways to revive your ruined relationship. You realize that he wasn't right, and you won't desire reconciliation.

The radio doesn't kill you. So your song comes on the radio - and you don't melt into a pile of quivering tears. Good for you: your heart is healing!

You aren't looking for your ex in public. When I was dumped by my first fiance, every face in a crowd looked like his. These days, I barely remember what he looked like. I think he had brown hair ...?

You don't go back to the scene of your dates. Embarrassing ... I totally did this: after I got dumped, I revisited the place where we had our first kiss. And it was a two-hour drive. Holy cow. Pathetic. Don't do that. Please.

You don't stalk. Oh ... this is bad ... I did this too. If you aren't driving past your ex's house or place of employment, congratulate yourself. You're better than I was.