Let's Be Friends (aka GO AWAY)

Can't we just be friends?

Translation: the thought of having sex with you makes me throw up in my mouth.

We've all had this conversation. He's funny, he's smart, he's WAAAAY too nice; and there is absolutely ZERO chemistry. Keep dialing, buddy; she's not picking up.

Men, even nerdy men, love the chase. They're convinced that the more you say "no", the more you mean "yes". He may have an IQ of 150; but you say "let's be friends" and he hears "take me, you hot hunk of nerdliness".

So, how do you shake this rat (no offense) from your neck? Here are some ideas that have worked for me in the past:

1 - Give it to him straight
Sometimes - and I emphasize SOMEtimes - you can get through to him with a simple, one-on-one conversation. Go out for coffee, during the day, go dutch (make it as non-datelike as possible). Don't make excuses. Be honest. Explain to him that he's a great guy, but you aren't feeling it. Tell him there's no chemistry and you're moving on.

2 - Be firm
If he's truly besotted (and nerds, God bless 'em, have a tendency to get easily besotted), he may resist even the most rational of conversations. But you must have the emotional distance of Mr. Spock right now. If he argues, repeat yourself. Be logical; eventually his IQ will catch up with his heart and he'll get the message.

3 - Create distance
If you're chatting with him every day, he won't get the message. Even if he's an awesome friend and you can tell him anything, don't. That's what girlfriends are for. You're just going to lead him on and hurt him even more, and that isn't fair.

4 - Group activities only
Don't see him alone. EVER. He'll get the wrong idea; he will see even the most casual encounter as a date, and as an opportunity to win your heart. You've already decided your heart can't be won by this guy, so don't give him false hope.

5 - Cut him off
I HATE this one. It's cold, it's cruel, and I do NOT recommend it unless you have NO other option. Never, never, never put a guy on permanent "ignore" unless you've tried everything else and he still won't leave you alone. This is the option to use only if he's dangerous close to "stalker" status. Remember: do unto others as you'd have done to you. If you don't want the guy of your dreams ignoring you, don't do it to that nice nerd.